Once upon a time in the land of Hyrule, everyone was okay and everything was cool.
Until the Dark Prince Ganon appeared and said:
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

That's right!
And now everything's great.
And its almost my 16th birthday.
Now all of a sudden I got a mark on my hand.
(You must find the Triforce of Courage.)
Not again!

Lets open up the door to the North Palace.
Now I'm reading this ancient scroll, so calloused.
Zelda fell asleep a long time ago?
Is it the same Zelda? Am I the same Link? (Who knows?)

This game is so confusing. When the hell does it take place? (I don't know!)
Which Zelda did I rescue? Where the hell's my boomerang? (I don't know!)

You and everybody else in the world, Duane.
You know I love this game, bro. I ain't complainin'.
So, I guess I'll just type in my name.
Just pretend its the same game.
Switch my mind-frame.
It's a whole new quest.
It's no contest, G.
I'm making this a conquest, Don't question me.
You see this game doesn't get enough notoriety.
So let's do this fuckin' thing before I just play 3.

The name's Link.
But you already know.
I got the flow.
And the know-how.
This wisdom and the Power. (let's go!)
I bet the townsfolk can help me on my tedious quest.
Get candle in Parapa Palace, Go west!
Okay... (Liar!)
We all know it's in the East.
Plenty of beasts.
But I got my shield spell at least.
Rest in peace.
As I stab you in your face.
I got 6 different crystals to open the gate.
To the Valley of Death and fight the guardian that awaits.
To get the Triforce of Courage, wish Zelda back awake.
Clean slate.
Recreate.
Relate with no hate.
Replace it with my magical shield and this blade.

I walked off the path and I was unprepared.
I've got 1 heart and monsters are everywhere.

(Bullshit! That just ain't fair. Shut the fuck up, Ganon! Nobody cares!)

A little frustrated BrandO?

Only a cunt hair.
You ain't seen shit I got the strength of a bear.
That has the strength of ten gorillas. I'll kill you dead.
I got a shit ton of spells, but I think that I'll stab you instead.
I'll fight mightily until everything is all right.
I am the Hero of Time and now it's time to say goodnight.

Well I made it to the palace, I got nothin' to lose.
Ridin' up and down on these elevators (Awesome dude!)
I gotta find the key to open up these doors first.
Before I lift this curse that's been put on this earth.
I'll stab that fuckin' Horsehead and put him on my wall.
Helmethead ain't gonna be a fuckin' problem at all.
That ghost ridin' Reubenok licks ghost horse balls!
Reflect Carock's spells, brawl with Gooma, and make Barba fall!
I'll kill 'em all bitch Thunderbird is a joke!
I'll cast Fire and the smoke from your face will make you choke.
So don't provoke me.
I'm focused on killin' every one of you.
Bring back the peace and wake the princess, why you runnin' dude?

Come here and get what's coming to ya, bring it on bitch.
I'll split your fuckin' face apart and cook it like and omelette.
I'm on top of it there ain't no stoppin' this shit.
I'll leave your runnin' ass 'Walken' like your name was Chris.

Nanaki's View in this track, Chris is rockin' them shits.
Bringin' me straight though the battle rippin' guitar licks. (Ha ha!)

You know that I will save you.
I'm made to.
I'm breaking through.

You know that I have faith, Link.
I'll wait, Link.
I'll wait for you.

You have no choice, love.

I know that you'll rescue me.
This is our destiny.

I hear your voice, love.
I've only just met you but something inside of me drives me on.
So I battle.
Who are you!?

I'm your shadow!
I come from the darkness, your blasphemous side.
Created by hatred and eyes in the sky.
After I beat you, I'll live in your mind.
And use the Triforce to bring Ganon to life!
Look in my eyes, we are one of a kind!
Same moves!
Same tights!
Same fuckin' drive!

You underestimate me, me, I've got us all figure out.
So go and swing into the air like during me and Ganon's last bout.
Shout for your mama, Shadow, fear my light.
I'm like a lightning storm, frightening you, haunting your night.
You're just a shadow of the best there ever was and ever will be.
I'll make you look like fuckin' Peter Pan, you'll never kill me.

NO! I know all your moves, I feel all your pain!
You're a slave to the princess, a fucking shame!
Hyrule could be ours, take my hand.
We can rule the kingdom, devour the land.
You'll never defeat me, you know that I'm right.
You're a servant, a pawn, and your living a lie!

I'm gonna live and let you die, bitch, cause I don't need you.
I think I'll just crouch down over here and stab your knees, dude.
Stabby, stab, stab, how you like that shit?
I'm gonna call your Error 'cause your fuckin' useless.
I'll bet your knees are more sore than a Flint-town whore.
And when I'm finished with you, well, maybe I'll score.

I just beat the game!
Yes I did!

You saved Hyrule.
And you're a real hero!

I know right?
(That's right!)
I got zero fear, ho.
Yo, check it out, princes, gimme a kiss.
You know you can't resist these lips, watch this.
When the curtain goes down, Link's goin' up

Oh stop yourself.

Well excuuuuuuus--

Shut up.

There's only one way to shut me up, I mean besides.
We're brother and sister in the next game right?

(For real.)

I guess you've got a point.